“Good morning, sir, welcome to Gadgetaholics – the store where geeks go hic, haec hoc! How can I can help you?”

Well, I was looking for the Shlokia 1976 phone…

“Ah, indeed, sir. You are a man of taste and discernment. What a great device that is. A camera with 85 megapixels, lossless as well as lossful zoom, a sixteen core processor, a 8k display, packed with connectivity options that let you connect it to your car, your TV, your microwave, and well, even parts of you (I would tell you more, sir, but there ARE children in the store, heh). A manufacturing marvel that…”



So can I see it?

“Yes, sir. Of course you can. This is after all, Gadgetaholics – the store where geeks go hic, haec hoc. Just look up, if you will”

That’s the ceiling!

“Not quite there, sir. Direct your gaze to the giant display if you will, to the left.”

That’s an ad!

“Well, yes, sir. The phone itself is not yet available. It has only been unveiled, you see.”

But there is an ad campaign running.

“Yes, indeed, there is. But the device is not commercially available, and has only been unveiled. You can place an order for it, though, and stand to chance a free device charger, a wireless speaker, and a Shlokia themed alarm clock that plays the official ringtone in the morning.”

But why should I pay for a device I have not even seen?

“Well, sir, it all depends on one’s inclinations. One does pay to see films one has never seen before.”

It does not cost THIS much!

“A valid point, sir, I admit. Dear me, the hype these companies indulge in, eh? But well, marketing is marketing…”

I don’t care. I am not putting down money for something I have not seen and felt. What about the Samsky Poke 8?

“The Samsky Poke 8! A great alternative to the Shlokia 1976 indeed. Large FOO-LED display which can expand to cover you if it rains, a magnificent stylus called the Super Smart Poke, oodles of processing power, a fantastic camera which takes pictures 70 degrees of where you point it and comes with not just handwriting but also hieroglyphic detection. A very…”

Yes, yes. Can I see it?

“Yes, of course, sir. Here it is.”

Ah, yes. Wonderful. Always great to actually get a feel of what you are paying for, right?

“In most cases, yes, indeed, sir.”

Wait a minute, what is this sticker at the back?

“I beg your pardon, sir?”

This thing has a sticker on the back saying, “Prototype. Not for sale. Those who find it in a bar and write about it will expose themselves to legal action. And corporate punishment’

“Yes, indeed, sir. Small print. So much legalese these days.”

But this is not the final product then?

“No, indeed, sir. That has not yet made the market!”

What! But you are selling it?

“Indeed we are, sir. You will get it on its release. All you need is to make an advance payment, submit proof of existence and subsistence and a certificate of no resistance, the first two in duplicate, and the last in triplicate, and the unit will be shipped to you within a day of its commercial release.”

But I have been reading reviews of it!

“Well, sir, the reviewers might have got special units. After all, the product has been unleashed…”

Unleashed? But it is not in the market!

“Indeed, sir, it has only been unleashed, not released.”

This is crazy. So they are promoting a product that is not even in the market?!

“All marketing, sir. But I can understand your emotion. Might I suggest an alternative?”

Something that has gone beyond unveiled and unleashed, eh?

“Of course, sir.”

All right, what’s it?

“The Frugal Sexus Eight, the second in the Sexus series which as you know is the successor of the popular eco-friendly phone, the Solar Plexus series.”

Oh yeah? What’s it got?

“A 16K display, sheep inspired RAM, a Fatherboard made of stainless steel, a 74 megapixel camera, a blow them up flash, expandable, retractable and bendable memory, and the latest version of the Giant Robot OS. And we can offer it to you at a super price…”

Sounds interesting. Can I see it?

“Here you are, sir.”

Hmm…yes, this is quite interesting. And the price tag seems very affordable too.

“It is the rage, sir. We are selling several units a day.”

I might as well give it a try. I need a phone today. Do you accept RawBerry cards?

“Yes, indeed, we do, sir. Just fill up this form…”

Of course, I will. Hmmm…wait!

“Yes, sir?”

This says “device will be shipped when available”!

“Indeed, sir. How could one ship a device that is not available.”

But you told me it had been released.

“Yes, sir.”

But it is not available?

“No, sir. Sadly not.”

How is that possible?

“Well, sir, it has not been released in this country yet…”

How are you selling it then?

“We are accepting only part payment, sir, and the device will be shipped to you the day it is available…”

But that is ridiculous. I want a phone now. What about the PeeGee Septimus 10?

“Ah, sir, unleashed and unveiled, but not released!”

The Moany Zee 37?

“Unleashed, unveiled and released, sir…”

Good, pass it along then!

“But not commercially released, sir. Released for review, hands on, eyes off, trousers on, coats off, and handkerchief only contact and promotion. We can get it for you if you give us an advance, fill these forms and…sir? Sir? Ouch! I do hope you will return to Gadgetaholics – the store where geeks go hic, haec hoc, and just for the record, I did not mind that kick, sir…”

PHOTO CREDITS: thinkglobalschool

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Nimish Dubey has been writing for more than a decade now (well, Windows 3.1 was around and Apple was on the verge of being finished when he started). He has been published in a number of publications including The Times of India, Mint, The Economic Times, Mid-Day and Femina on subjects that vary from tech write -ups to book reviews to music album round ups. He managed to interview Michael Schumacher once and write two books for young adults along the way.