“Good morning, sir.”

“Good morning to you too, lad. Wait a minute. Is that a new phone?”

“Oh yes, I picked up yesterday. Guessed it was time to move on to a better device.”

“You should have asked me. But hey, never mind. Let’s see. Come on, don’t be so possessive. Give it to me. AAAARGH!”

“What happened?! Are you all right?”

“All right? How can I be all right? How can anyone be all right? You call this thing a new phone?”

“Well, I bought it yesterday. And the dealer said it was a solid product and had been in the market for a year…”

“What do dealers know? A year in technology is a long time. So many software upgrades missed. And the hardware is ancient!”

“Well, I dunno. It works fine…”

“Works fine! How can it work fine? It has only a dual core processor! It has ONLY 1 GB RAM! It does not even have a full HD display…”

“Hey, but there’s not too much HD content out there…”

“Don’t give me that nonsense. The truth is out there, isn’t it?”

“The truth is out there? Well, yes, so some people say…”

“And the future of all content is HD, isn’t that true?”

“Ye…s, but…”

“So HD is important. It is part of the truth that is out there. Mind you, that stupid dual core processor of your device won’t be able to handle HD anyway!”

“Look, it plays HD videos fine, really.”

“Young man, there is more to content than videos. One day you will learn! Anyway, and let me look at that camera. Oh shit!”

“What? There?”

“No, you fool. I mean, this is just 8.0-megapixels!”

“Well, I got some good shots. Check the gallery.”

“Bleddy who cares. No matter how good the shots were, they could not be as good as the ones in that amazing phone they launched yesterday. It has a 15.0-megapixel camera, you know.”

“I read that megapixels do not matter as much as lens quality…”

“Oh my, someone has been reading. Literacy has gone up. Look, don’t the manufacturers know more about these things than we do?”

“Yes, obviously. They are making them.”

“So are they jackasses to be putting 13.0-megapixel cameras and quad core processors in phones? Answer that!”

“Well, they put the 8.0-megapixel camera and dual core processors in phones too…”

“Aha, but that was a year ago. This is technology. It progresses. By leaps and bounds. What did Oogway say in Kung-Fu Panda, Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.’ Remember, eh?”

“Well, yes, but how…”

“Well, if he had been a tech CEO instead of being a master of kickass Kung-Fu, he would have said: ‘Yesterday is dual core, Tomorrow give me bloody more, But today? Give me quad core!’”

“Look, where does Oogway come into all this…”

“Everything comes into all this. Technology is the name of progress. And 1 GB RAM? This thing will slow down the moment you run more than five apps on it!”

“I never need to run more than two or three actually…”

“What is it with you? Must you insist on being stuck in the present and ignore your potential? You insult the manufacturer community, the developer community and the very platform you use by buying this old device when you should be lining up seven days in advance for the next great thing!”

“But that is horribly expensive.”

“What is it with you people these days – money, money, money? What difference does it make as long as you get what you are paying for?”

“Well, I do not have that much money, really…”

“Take it on installments. Pawn your neighbor false teeth. Take up temporary employment as a dog tail dresser…”

“Look, hang on for a minute. This is getting ridiculous…”


“I mean, just consider me for a minute, right? I am the consumer, right?”

“Oh yes, the consumer. The chap Steve Jobs says did not know what he wanted!”

“Look, I don’t care what you say or think. I am happy with this phone. So what if it is a year old? It works perfectly fine. I get to browse the Web, check mail, play Angry Birds and check what’s happening with Facebook. It’s all I need to do really.”

“Are you aware that the phone you are using is old?”

“No, are you aware that I am perfectly fine with it?”

“Just listen to yourself. No wonder this country is not making technological progress.”

“I don’t want to make technological progress. I just want to be able to make calls, check mail and browse a bit…”

“Oh God, this is horrible. Not only have you invested in an old, obsolete device, you are actually happy with it.”

“What’s wrong with being happy?”

“Happy? How can you be happy if you are using an outdated product. The concept is illogical. Anyway, good luck to you.”

“Right. Where are you off to with the backpack?”

“Oh, I am going camping.”

“That’s nice. Away from the city, eh? Good, clean air, and….”

“Who said I am going away from the city?”

“Well, you said you were going camping…”

“I am.”

“So that means…”

“…that I am going out of the city? My dear chap, when you assume you make an ass of you and me. Old joke. No, I am going to camp near the main road on the next block.”

“Good lord, why? Is it a protest of something?”

“Assuming again, no! Don’t you read the papers?”

“Yes, of course. There is concern about the inflation…”

“You read the paper for the news? Dammit, check the ad on the front page. The greatest phone of them all is coming next week!”


“So? So? So unlike some people who like living in the past and are happy with it. And who like to scrounge pennies and buy an old device. And not just that, are bloody happy with it. Unlike these people, I am going to camp near the store for a week, and get a slice of the latest technology. So what if I can get it delivered at home by ordering it online? So what if its price will decrease within two weeks of its release? So what if I will have to download multiple software patches to soothe out the bugs that will definitely come with the device? So what if the same company comes up with a better product two months down the line? At least I know I invested my money in the latest and the best. Good day to you!”

PHOTO CREDITS: Shutterstock

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Associate Editor

Nimish Dubey has been writing for more than a decade now (well, Windows 3.1 was around and Apple was on the verge of being finished when he started). He has been published in a number of publications including The Times of India, Mint, The Economic Times, Mid-Day and Femina on subjects that vary from tech write -ups to book reviews to music album round ups. He managed to interview Michael Schumacher once and write two books for young adults along the way.