Look, aren’t you a bit on the large side…

Large? Who are you calling large? I mean, sure, I am bigger than your routine smartphone. But who said I was routine? I mean, sure I am 173.1 mm long and 88.3 mm wide, but hey at 7.5 mm thick, I am so so trim. And admit it, at 203 grammes, I am only 10 grammes heavier than the iPhone 6s Plus, and that mama has a display that’s almost an inch – an inch, I tell you! – smaller than mine. Check the chamfers on my side and the sleek metal finish. Trim man, real trim. Why don’t you come out and say the. Truth – that you ain’t seen anything like me!?

mi max

Well, we have – many brands have devices with large displays…

Don’t talk to me about them. The last one that actually tried to do something with a large display was the Sony Xperia Z Ultra but that started out too expensive, same as the Le Max. The others? Just bought displays and nothing else. Ain’t enough to just have a big screen, man, you gotta back it up – the screen, it’s like a window to a house. Ain’t no use having a fancy window if you got nothing inside, and most of the phones today with big displays, they ain’t got much to show inside.

And you have stuff to show inside?

Check the specs, check the specs. You thought the Redmi Note 3 was pretty well specced, didn’t you?

Well, yes…

I got the same. And more! Qualcomm Snapdragon 652 processor, 3 GB RAM, 32 GB storage, 4G LTE, dual SIM, infra red, better speakers, and the display is a full HD one too, with Corning Gorilla Glass 4 (ain’t nobody scratching this one easily). Man, and I ain’t told you the best thing either.

What’s that?

A 4850 mAh battery.


What? Why obviously?

I mean, you are so big…

Why do you keep coming back to the size, man? Why you so one dimensional? Here I am telling you that I am perhaps the first proper – proper, I tell you – smartphone with no compromises that can keep dancing and moving and gliding for two days and more on a single charge and there you go and start saying it’s because of my size. Come on, man, I ain’t stopped anyone from making big phones.

But you have to concede that you are big…

Can’t you think of anything else? Big is comparative. It’s about perspective. I ain’t going around calling others small, why you calling me big!

The fact is that we have not really seen too many phones of this size in the market for a while…

Ain’t my fault, ain’t my fault. I ain’t responsible for what my worthy competition do. The fact is that I have seen people walking around making calls on 7.0-inch tablets – tablets, man! It proves that for some people, a big display makes a difference. And that’s where I come in. I am giving you a better display and not cutting any damn corners in the process – I am giving you a great processor, plenty of RAM, plenty of storage (expandable), every damn connectivity option you can think of, and man THAT battery. And I am so much sleeker and lighter than any 7.0-inch tablet out there, I tell you. I am designed not just for display but for calling – ain’t no other of the tablets out there can claim that. I am the bigger picture!

Speaking of pictures, aren’t you too big for taking pictures with your camera?

And there you go with the size again. Look, I have a sixteen megapixel camera, I kid you not, with a dual LED flash too. And it takes very good pictures too. That large full HD screen means you can edit them easily too…

Yes, but taking the pictures itself will stretch your hands…

No pain, no gain. No pain, no gain. You heard them words? Because I hear them every day and swear by them. You want to take great pics? I am giving you a great camera. You want to edit them? I am giving you a super big display. Man, and I am giving you enough battery life to keep editing and editing and editing for days! And all you are going on about its stretching your hands…

Yes, but it was Hugo Barra who said how much could your hands stretch at the launch of the Mi 4i, justifying a compact device!

How far can your hands stretch? They can stretch enough to hold me. Because I am the prettiest, the fastest, the most powerful. Because I am worth stretching those palms for. Because I can even stick into your trouser pocket easily.

Not true. You stick out of a pocket!

And what better way to let the world know that you have the power of Max with you? I fit in and I stick out. I am big and I am portable. I look like King Kong, but have the speed of a wasp. I am a mass of contradictions, because hey ain’t no definition for me out there. I am redefining definitions.

Float like a butterfly
Sting like a Mi
Your hands can’t fit
A phone you can’t see…

xiaomi mi max

Thanks for the rhyme, but don’t you think you have got quite a lot of competition at…

What competition? I am starting a new segment here, one that others have forgotten.

You have the likes of the Lenovo Phablet Plus…

No, no, I want to you to name ONE brand that delivers my kind of specs in my kind of frame. Big size, good specs…come on, I am not cutting any corners. You can SEE that, can’t you?

But those are just specs and size. What about performance?

You asking ME about performance!? Wait, I will rephrase that – you asking MI about performance?! You wait until you experience that Marshmallow on that display with that processor RAM and battery back up. You do your reviews, you do your drop tests, eyes on tests, hands on tests, shorts off tests…do whatever you want, but I am betting you you are going to be finding there ain’t nothing like Me in town, baby. No way. It had been written!

You are all Me, Me, Me, aren’t you?

Name of the manufacturer, man. Between you and Mi, I like it.

Disclaimer: This is only based on the information available about Mi Max in the public domain.

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